Failure to Launch

So, I said before that I was going to be reading at my friend's wedding in October. Well, not anymore. Today, I decided that since my anxiety is so unpredictable right now, it probably would be best if I didn't do it. I feel horrible because it's less than 2 months to the wedding, but I don't want to do anything to mess up her day - which includes fainting while trying to do the reading! I'm so sad that I can't do it...I like to think that I COULD do it, but it wouldn't be fair to her if at the last minute I bailed. She was very understanding about it, and always has been about my anxiety. I'll still go to the wedding and see her get married and bawl my eyeballs out. I'm just so sick of this stupid anxiety controlling everything I do. I'm still thinking about seeing a counselor...I probably should just bite the bullet and do it. I've seen one before and I felt like it hasn't helped much. But now that I'm older, maybe it would be different. Maybe I'll call on Thursday when I'm off of work...