Long time, no see

Wow, I'm a really crappy blogger. It's been more than a month since I last updated this thing. Unfortunately, it hasn't been the easiest month I've ever had.

Everything was going well until I left for vacation. I didn't get nervous at all on the car ride down, or the first night there. However, the second day we were there, we went to Sea World. We went on one of those 3-D rides where the seat moves under you. As soon as I buckled the belt, I felt sick. I spent the entire ride thinking, "I need to get off this thing!" When it FINALLY ended, I thought I was going to pass out. I got so upset about getting upset that I started having a panic attack in the middle of Sea World! We went to watch the Shamu show after that, but I had a hard time getting myself under control. I cried a little bit and continued to feel dizzy, but somehow I made it through the rest of the day, but I didn't get to enjoy myself.

I think that's what set off this recent bout of anxiety. A couple of times when we were in line for rides, I would feel sick and dizzy and lightheaded. I was miserable for most of the time when we were at the parks. I didn't even ride any roller coasters, and I love roller coasters! :( So, not a great vacation.

After we got back, I called the doctor and made another appointment to go in and let her know what happened. She said I should go back to the 10mg of Lexapro, since I only upped the dose because I was anticipating something that could happen. She also gave me a prescription called Klonopin, which is in the same family as Xanax, but it isn't as strong. She said I could take that as needed when I knew I was going to do something that would make me anxious.

That doctor's appointment was two and a half weeks ago. Since then, I've felt anxious almost all of the time. I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I'm afraid of something but there's nothing to be afraid of! It's exhausting. I went out to lunch with my co-workers the other day and felt light-headed at the table. As soon as we got back to the office, I felt like I was going to be sick and I had to leave early. I had been taking half of a Klonopin every day just so I could go to work. I don't know if it's a side effect of lowering the dose or what. I called the doctor yesterday and she said to take a whole Klonopin once a day until I felt better.

I gave up caffeine, too. I'm a big coffee drinker - I've been drinking at least a cup a day for a couple of years. Two days ago, I decided to give it up because I thought it was making me even more nervous and jittery. I felt good today - I didn't take any Klonopin and didn't have any coffee. But I am sooooo tired. I know it's from the lack of caffeine. I might start drinking a soda in the mornings just to give me a little caffeine fix.

The doctor gave me some names of some counselors. I'm just wary to go to one because they haven't really worked in the past. I know I should talk to someone about all of these issues because I feel like I'm never going to be able to move on with my life if I don't figure out a way to get this all under control. Maybe next week I'll call one and make an appointment.

Pretty long update...I wish it was with better news. :( It's been a long month but hopefully it will start getting better. Oh, and I did have a birthday during my little absence. I'm 24 now! Hard to believe...I never thought I'd be this "old." I can still remember when I was little and my aunt was in her 20's...I thought she was the coolest person EVER. I wish there was someone who thought I was the coolest person ever! :)