Success

I would say that my Friday was pretty successful in terms of keeping a cap on my anxiety. I didn't sleep well on Thursday night, but I generally don't sleep well if I know I have to get up super-early the next day. We left the house for the funeral by 7am. We got to Manassas a little early, so we went to Panera's to get something to eat and drink. I had never been to a funeral before...I'd been to a gravesite ceremony for my great-grandparents, but hadn't been to any kind of memorial service. My mom told me not to have some kind of emotional outburst during the funeral. Cue my anxiety! I was afraid I was going to have some kind of weird emotional response to everything...like I would start laughing or bawling hystertically. I made sure that I ate and drank something so I wouldn't feel like I was going to faint or something. Once we got there, I told myself to suck it up because today wasn't about me, and this family is going through something a million times harder than a little anxiety. The service was sad and I did cry, but kept myself pretty composed.

Meeting everyone back at the house was pretty awkward. I don't keep in close contact with most of the people there anymore, and kind of hung around with my mom. I always enjoy talking to my mom's friends though. They've always been nice to me and my mom and they crack me up. So I mostly hung around with them and my mom while we were there. My mom dropped me back of at Panera's so I could wait for my sister to pick me up and take me to the graduation party. I had to sit in there ALL BY MYSELF for an hour!! I brought my book so I could read, and I got a bagel and a drink to keep myself occupied. She picked me up and we went to the party, which I thought was pretty fun. I wasn't nervous at all and there weren't too many people there. They had really good food and a keg, so I was happy. I only had one beer and a shooter because we still had a 2 hour ride back home...which ended up taking 2 and a half hours because of traffic and thunderstorms. By the time I got home, I was sooooo tired. It had been a very emotional day...but I was glad that I was able to get through it without an anxiety attacks and I had a good time at the party.

So, another little victory for my list. I'm already thinking of what I can do next to get out of my comfort zone a little bit. I'd like to start spending the night away from my house more often. Maybe I can rope my sister into taking some little trips with me when we don't have work this summer. I would start staying some nights at my sister's apartment, but she's moving back home. We'll see what happens in the next coming days and weeks...I want to take every opportunity I can get to continue to have these little successes.